Navigating anti-diet conversations with your loved ones
Imagine this: you’re hanging out with your loved ones and no one says anything about how much food they’re eating or how they’re worried about making sure they only eat food that fits into their latest diet plan…
I’m so lucky to have friends who are all pretty excited about giving up dieting, and it has made the time we spend together so much more enjoyable.
Giving up dieting and weight loss goals has allowed us to hang out without spending a bunch of time talking about how “bad” we are for the food we eat or how our bodies look. We spend time getting creative in the kitchen and just ENJOYING our time & meals together.
I’ve even been lucky enough to have some really great conversations with my family about why intuitive eating has been such a great change for my life and how it has greatly benefited my health. I love seeing the way that our conversations have slowly helped open their eyes to what I’ve learned, what diet culture is and how it affects our health.
It f*cking rules.
This is possible for you too!
Understand this: even if you’re new to the intuitive eating journey or farther down the path, you are influencing the people around you by healing your relationship with food & body and showing them that it IS possible to live your life without constant dieting and weight loss goals and the guilt that goes along with them.
But what if your loved ones aren’t quite there yet?
I know it can be difficult figuring out how to navigate those conversations, so here are a few things to keep in mind:
- Understand that it is about planting the seeds, not convincing someone to agree with you.
You may find it difficult to convince people that giving up dieting and weight loss goals is actually much better for your health than continuing to engage in unhealthy restriction patterns. You aren’t going to be able to change everyone’s mind, but by sharing YOUR experiences and how YOU’VE changed instead of trying to force them to agree with you, you’re more likely to open the door for them to learn about kicking diet culture to the curb at their own pace. You have great impact by living your life free from diet culture, and allowing your loved ones to see that without trying to make them feel bad or guilty for still being stuck in diet culture is the best way to start planting those seeds. - Give yourself permission not to engage in diet talk.
Whether this means blatantly saying “I’m not interested in talking about this”, finding a way to change the subject, or just picking up your phone and scrolling through some of the helpful accounts you follow to remind yourself why you don’t have to engage: GIVE YOURSELF THAT PERMISSION. You have every right to look out for yourself & you don’t have to pretend to care about someone’s diet. Most of the time, people will move on without a big fuss, so don’t be afraid to speak up for yourself when you need to.
- Be understanding and give the benefit of the doubt.
This one is SO IMPORTANT! I know that it can be frustrating seeing your loved ones defend a culture that actively hurts all of us. I know that you want what is best for the people who are close to you, and you want to see them find the freedom you’re finding with intuitive eating. But not everyone is ready, and defensiveness about why dieting and weight loss are healthy from a loved one isn’t a personal attack on you. People find a sense of comfort in the things they know, and radical mindset shifts can be hard! You know how difficult giving up diet culture beliefs are, and you have to give them the benefit of the doubt (until you have a better understanding of their motivations, at least). - Setting boundaries: know when to walk away from the conversation.
As I mentioned before, you have to simply plant seeds and be understanding when trying to navigate these conversations with loved ones. If you realize that you are not being heard out in good faith, or that you simply will not be able to have a conversation with certain people without it feeling harmful to YOU and your progress, you have to know when to walk away. Even though it is difficult to know your loved one may still be struggling, at a certain point you must look out for yourself and choose to set boundaries in those conversations. If you need to, simply ask that when you are together, you will not discuss dieting or weight loss for your benefit, and make it clear to your loved one that even though you personally do not enjoy those types of conversations, you understand and respect the goals they need to set for themselves. When I say “you are the expert of your own body,” this applies to every person and the goals they set for themselves. You can’t force someone to choose the same goals as you, and they should be understanding of your needs as well. - Have a plan for seeking support when things get difficult.
Know the friends or support systems that you have so that you have a safe outlet to express frustration if a conversation you’re trying to have goes poorly. Especially if you’re newer to intuitive eating, it can sometimes feel difficult or overwhelming to explain your point of view because of how much “proof” there is to say that dieting and intentional weight loss are “best for everyone”. I want to remind you that this does NOT mean you are wrong, you just might not be an expert, and that’s perfectly fine! You are allowed to have different goals and beliefs than your loved ones, and when you do, it’s important that you find ways to remind yourself that just because they don’t believe you doesn’t mean you’re on the wrong track. Having friends to turn to or a good support system in place to help you in those times is a great way to plan ahead to help yourself when things get difficult.
I hope these pointers help you get a better idea of how to navigate some of the difficult conversations you may face as you spread the word about intuitive eating to your loved ones.
If you would like to have a support group for all the ups and downs of the intuitive eating journey, make sure to find me on instagram or facebook and send me a message to let me know that you’re interested in being a part of our community. In my free, private facebook group we share wins, ask questions, and I even share exclusive content! It is a great place to turn to if you had a negative experience or questions about how to talk to your friends & family about your experiences with intuitive eating.
Remember, change is slow and steady. Continue to focus on healing YOUR relationship with food and body, share your positive experiences, and understand that even if it may not feel like you’re making an impact, you ARE a positive influence!
You never know who you may be helping by helping yourself.
Until next time,
Lauren